Visit Birkenshaw
a tourists guide to the wonderful
village of Birkenshaw

Quiz

Take the Birkenshaw quiz

1. Is Birkenshaw worse than Staines?
Yes No

2. Is Birkenshaw worse than Baghdad?
Yes No

3. Is Birkenshaw worse than Croydon?
Yes No

4. Is Birkenshaw worse than Beaston?
Yes No

5. Is Birkenshaw worse than the split rectum of a log prodding homo?
Yes No

6. Is Birkenshaw worse than a minge resembling a butchers bin?
Yes No

7. Is Birkenshaw worse than the septic wound of a gangrinous whore?
Yes No

8. Is Birkenshaw worse than the place you live?
Yes No

About Birkenshaw

The people of this small village like to keep their homes and surrounding area nice and neat. We therefore ask for your cooperation in keeping this little discovered wonder of Britain as neat as the house shown below.



Walking and Hiking



Come walk one of Birkenshaws many well kept and well maintained footpaths. With Tong nature reserve just around the corner you are guaranteed to see a wide range and rich variety of wildlife. This is just a small selection of the animals that were seen only today:



Thats right! In just a five minute visit to Tong Nature Reserve, we managed to see a dead bird and a dead frog. With more time to look around, imagine what sort of dead animals you could come across.

Art and Culture



Birkenshaw Art Gallery is free of charge, and offers the chance for all the family to enjoy art and its true beauty. This open air exibit was created to reflect the boredom of youth and has captured the imagination of everyone who has taken the time to look around.



Birkenshaw is home to the most obscene statue of the area. Why not visit this visual spectacle of a fire man holding his hose erect.

Sports and Leisure



Birkenshaw sports center offers a wide range of sports for all ages, just as long as its lawn bowling and your over 65.

But what about the kids?



Don't panic. In Birkenshaw theres no need to worry about your kids. With wide open grassy spaces your kids are sure to be occupied for hours at a time. Just as long as they don't do anything that could be considered fun. And, as if that wasn't enough, we have recently installed a climbing frame in Birkenshaw park, a big hit with the local kids.



Night Life



Despite only being a small village, Birkenshaw is home to 4 pubs. This is because everyone who lives here has been driven to drink.

Magical Mystery Tour

Birkenshaw is a village steeped in mystery and bizarre goings on. Why not take the Mystery Tour beginning on Town Street and 6 O'Clock every week night. The tour includes many puzzling tales ensured to keep the whole family gripped, and local mysteries such as:



How the hell did that tyre get around that tree?

Other Features of Interest

Other areas of particular interest to tourists include the ditch, mucky sign and tunnel, shown below







VISIT BIRKENSHAW TODAY - You know you want to really