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Heavens too exclusive
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Today I dragged my sorry ass downstairs at around one o'clock in the afternoon, and after helping myself to a packet of crisps I perused the morning mail. That is where I found this literary marvel.
GOD FAQ
Q. Dear Furness, Is their a God, and if so where can I find him? Thanks, Dave. A. No Dave, there is in fact no God. He is made up, just like Santa and the tooth fairy. You can't find him as he does not exist. GROW UP! Q. Dear Furness, How did Jesus walk on water? Was God holding him, or was he especially bouyant? Dan A. It is a well known fact that Jesus was so full of hot air due to him spending so long preaching his self righteous, self important bull shit, that not only could he walk on water, but he could also support his weight on a single ant Q. Dear Furness, If God doesn't exist then how do you explain how the Universe was created? Cheers, Ben. A. Hello Ben. Just because science does not fully understand something yet, it does not mean that it never will. You don't have to put everything you don't understand down to a supreme being you fucking retard Q. Dear Furness. If there is no afterlife, where do you go when you die? All the best, Mark A. You don't go anywhere. You're dead. |
Laying in until an hour that would by most peoples standards be regarded as ridiculous, I eventually hauled my arse out of bed. Food was on the agenda, and the stairs were the only thing between myself and the sustinance I craved. Or so I thought. For as I felled the last step, my eyes caught hold of the greatest leaflet I have ever read. A leaflet which I will now share with you.  
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Send me an email. Although I probably won't read it. If I do then think youself lucky. In fact you can ignore this bit completely. I don't want you to email me. Especially YOU
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